Brazilian, Hollywood, Bollywood or Rainforest?

Ladies; Listen up...

Let’s talk bikini lines, bushes, beavers and the like

I KNOW that I am not alone in this hair removal nightmare, with all these available methods, you would think that there would be a pleasant treatment that would do its job and bam a smooth, delightful area.

Of course it is different for everyone:

- Blondes tend to have less and lighter public hair. But, this also means less eyelashes and eyebrows.

- Vice-Versa for darker haired ladies.

So, what have we got?

Razors: probably the most convenient of methods, it’s quick and relatively painless. But, depending on your growth if you don’t do it just before Showtime, you will be greeting your partner with itchy, stubbly, raised skin.

Other than shaving lasting only a day, other problems encountered are in grown hairs (ouch), rashes and discomfort. Back in the day I could shave to my hearts content, 15-17 years on and it is not the same story.

I recently was off on a trip and discovered some unsettling lumps downstairs; I rushed to the docs (the day before I was due to fly) and was told that these were… Wait for it… Boils! Disturbing news. What had happened is some ingrown hairs had got trapped and become infected. The doc told me I needed to be careful and that I might have to get them lacerated while I was away. He packed me off with 8 days worth of antibiotics, filled with visions of lacerations.

Hair Removal Cream: This stuff can work, but I find that it doesn’t get everything off, so I end up having to go over it with a razor. Also, the cream is time consuming and smells bad. It is also degrading and impractical. You apply it and then wait, you can’t sit, and you can’t really move around or go to far… You just hang around in limbo for 10 minutes, terrified that someone is going to demand to use the bathroom.

Like shaving hair removal cream doesn’t last long, maybe a day longer than shaving. Who has the time to be doing this every other day?

Waxing: This is my favourite method by far. However, it really hurts! The old wives tale that:

-You get used to it
-The hair gets thinner
-Lasts 2 to 4 weeks

Are lies. Do not let these fool you. I have been getting waxed since I was about 16, it still hurts, my hairs aren’t thinner and it lasts a week… tops.

I do favour this method as the result is smooth and fabulous and you feel as though you have got the result you were after even if it doesn’t last forever.

I understand that with waxing you are not supposed to shave in-between, but, this is very difficult to maintain.

Laser Hair Removal: When this first came about, I thought my dreams had come true. Expensive, but if it was going to remove these blasted cretins forever then it’s best to invest. However, this method isn’t as full proof as it leads you to believe. It definitely thins the hairs by a long shot but it does not get rid of them completely. Plus it is oh so painful, I had one under arm done; once. The idea of having my bikini line and co done at least 6 times sounds hellish.

Plucking and Epilating: OK, maybe the odd hair here and there. But try to get to Hollywood with a pair of tweezers… Ha ha.

As for epilating, you may get some off and thin the area out, but, are you willing to send that devise into the crooks and crannies?

These are the main methods and they are all crap! So, what is a girl to do?? 

Going Natural

The idea of letting it grow and prosper is not an appealing one either. The thought of packs of women with beautifully, shaped, carved, patterned vaginas parading around while I cross my legs and hang my head in shame is haunting.

When I was younger, this just wasn’t an issue. All anyone ever had was a short back and sides. You neatened up the sides and cropped the top… Done.

I only became aware of this shift towards a much less covered area when I was about 15. I had been fooling around with my boyfriend and we exited his room and bumped into his friends. Much to my confusion he kept blurting out an odd collection of words, directed at his mate… Saying it really fast, so it was hard to understand:

“Junglemuff”
“Junglemuff”

They thought this was hilarious and I had no idea what was going on, until someone explained later. This jumble of words not only filled me with horror but it also pushed me towards taking it off and here I am 15 years later…

This extract was taken from daily blog anne's-aneries. Anne is the Social Media Consultant for Kranichs, sellers of bell etoile, forevermark and more.