The Royal Wedding...Advice for the Newlyweds

This post orginally appeared on my blog, Motherhoot.

Prince William and Princess Kate are getting married and embarking on their life together. Unlike most of us, they will do their being married gig in front of the entire world.

While I can’t help them deal with the intrusive public, I can give them some advice to make their marriage work a little better. Well, I think I can…

Don’t stop saying “thank you” just because you’re married. Actually, “thank you” is a great motivator for anyone in your life. Kids, spouse, co-workers, friends…when they feel appreciated, they are more giving and loving. Please note, that often—especially with the children—your “thank you” will be growled between clenched lips. Still, you said it and it counts. For example, “Thank you, honey, for doing the dishes. You are wonderful!” Points: you. Another example: “Thank you, kids, for not breaking all the plates in the priceless China set. I’m glad we have one left.” This is said between clenched teeth, so you only get a half point. Still, you got something. Focus on the positive!

Don’t stop saying “I love you.” Yes, it might seem repetitive until you have done it for awhile. Then it becomes second nature. I think Aaron was 11 years old before he realized that you don’t hang up the phone saying, “good bye I love you” as a single word closing. Or with every phone call. Saying it reminds everyone that they are loved.

Don’t stop being silly. Sure, some might tell you that you’re Very Important People, but you still have to have fun. If you can’t laugh with each other, you’re going to get bored. Really. If you look hard enough, there is laughter to be had in any situation. Yes, in any situation. Don’t be cruel—we’re not talking marital bullying here—but reminding each other about a klutzy situation (e.g., me falling fully clothed into the pool upon arrival at the Puerto Vallarta resort) or a silly action (Jim’s recent robot-like dance to the Bee Gees) makes for great future laughs.

Don’t take yourself too seriously. Sure, I’m not famous like you, but I am a World Famous Blogger (hey, people in other countries have read my blog!). I still have to do laundry and cook meals for my family. I still have to do the dreaded homework patrol. It’s my job. Yes, sometimes I put on a tiara to vacuum, but that’s just to remind us all that I Am Special. Jim is corporate middle management. Still, he has to unclog the tub drain and touch the raw chicken because that’s his job. I hope he’s not putting on my tiaras to do his jobs.

Don’t give up your friends. Trust me, you will need them. Maybe you’ll feel disloyal talking about your spouse or your children to someone else. At first it feels a little wrong to bitch and moan about the people you love the most, but you need to do it to keep your sanity. You can’t complain to just anyone—especially you two!—but find someone you trust and air your dirty laundry. It helps. Especially when you have kids. Finding someone who has similar problems is normalizing and eases your terror that you are the only one raising ruffians.

Most of all, don’t stop loving each other. Don’t forget why you fell in love in the first place. Remember how it felt to see each other. Things are going to change, but that doesn’t mean your love goes away. Be each other’s biggest cheerleader and you’re set!

Prince William and Princess Kate, I wish you the best. Congratulations!